How to Tick People Off

Ok guys just found this list of things to do to others just in case someone gets on your nerves and I think it’s funny as hell. Enjoy it…

    1.  Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
    2.  In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
    3.  Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
    4.  If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
    5.  Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
    6.  Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
    7.  Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
    8.  Practice making fax and modem noises.
    9.  Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
    10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
    11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
    12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
    13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
    14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
    15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
    16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
    17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
    18. Honk and wave to strangers.
    19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
    20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
    21. Type only in lowercase.
    22. Don’t use any punctuation either
    23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
    24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times. – “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”  “What?”  “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
    25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
    26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
    27. Ask people what gender they are.
    28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
    29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
    30. Sing along at the opera.
    31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
    32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

P.S WordPress’ spell-check almost ticked me off cuz it doesn’t recognize the word “Fax” and went; Did you mean…. Facts? – NO I DIDN’T, I MEANT WHAT I MEANT, NOW YOU WANNA LEAVE ME ALONE TO POST THIS BEFORE I LOSE MY PATIENCE?! 😛

3 Comments

  1. “NO I DIDN’T, I MEANT WHAT I MEANT, NOW YOU WANNA LEAVE ME ALONE TO POST THIS BEFORE I LOSE MY PATIENCE?!”

    lmao…There are times when WordPress gets me to question the spelling of words I KNOW are right; so much so that I enter it into Google just to confirm I’m right. It gets pretty tedious sometimes.

    “Reply to everything someone says with ‘that’s what you think.'”

    People do this to me, and it makes me shout, “Of course that’s what i think, I just said it, didn’t I?”

    “Disassemble your pen and ‘accidentally’ flip the ink cartridge across the room.”

    Every staff meeting I’ve ever been in consists of me doing this very thing, and it’s no accident, it’s a precision sport.

    “Honk and wave to strangers.”

    You’d be surprised at the dirty looks people give you if you try this. Makes me want to yell, “It just a wave bitch, it’s not gonna hurt you.”

    Like

    • It also underlined “all weather” as it should be “all-weather” when if I did that the sentence wouldn’t quite make sense, LOL.
      Going back to tick people off, my favorite phrase is; Ya think??? – followed by the usual look of “bitch please” 😛
      Another one when people ask me the same question right after I have explained to them the answer the first time around is; Am I speaking the same language or are we lost in translation – I’m almost this [close] to going like Chris Tucker in Rush Hour; Do u understand the word that r commin’ outta mah mouth?

      Like

  2. […] How to Tick People Off (idpm.me) […]

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