Discrimination Within Discrimination

A world awayThis morning, I came across this picture posted by one my friends on Facebook. The picture shows two border petrol guards one Pakistani and the other Chinese holding hands. The description put above it was to explain that in this part of the world is perfectly normal for two men to hold hands, thus show affection without any gay undercurrent. What got me to write this post were the comments below.

Let me go back in time for a bit just to explain to you why am I so upset about all this. In my 35 years on this rock, I’ve had my share of many abuses by many people from childhood on. I live in a society which has never embraced individuality and being different; on the contrary it fights it and tries to destroy anything that is not “normal”. Abiding by the rules of such a society and country is a MUST if you want to survive. There is no other option, unless you want to be a castaway character from some forgotten novel in a dusty shelf in an out of business bookstore. Discrimination and abuse started early for me. For as long as I can remember, kids always picked on me because I was a “mama’s boy”, a wuss, “girl” and so on. Later on in life it got more personal and vicious with the all so common names such as; faggot, fudge-packer, cocksucker, queer and so on. My story is that of millions upon millions out there. It is nothing new, nothing unheard of before and nothing that hasn’t been posted on any LGBT rights group’s webpage. I’m in no way looking for sympathy nor pity, just stating the facts.

Now, back to present day world. One thing that seems to be consistent in today’s society is the unbelievable imbecilic belief that my being gay is a choice. No matter how many studies have been published at least in the last two decades, there are still people who believe that not only being gay is a choice, but as such it can be cured with the right treatment (shock therapy anyone?). Now let me turn this belief on its head. If any of you think that being homosexual is a choice, then what you’re basically saying is that being heterosexual is one as well, eh? I don’t think a straight guy woke up one morning and said; “I think I’ma suck a dick today. Nah, I chose not too”. Alright, I know that even my previous argument is not going to sway those who have already chosen and made up their minds about what constitutes being gay and the mechanism by which “we” apply this in our daily lives as homosexuals.

For those of you in the not-know, there are many parts of the world where male interaction and thus expression of intimacy (with no sexual undertone) is accepted and even more promoted from parents to children and it is not seen as abnormal nor an aberration. I would like to stress once more that such a behavior is accepted as long as no one suspects there’s something more then just peer love. Where I come from, many men walk around holding each other’s hand, arm, or putting their arm around their friends shoulder, it is normal. What gets me is that if I did such a thing, I would immediately find myself under attack. Why? Well because I’m different. My voice is soft and articulate. I’m courteous and gentle. I have a very vivid/passionate movement of hands and eyebrows. My walk is different. Oh and above all I take care of myself more than any woman I’ve ever encountered in my life (beauty-wise & hygiene).

Back to the picture above. The first comment I read was that of a woman and I quote; Ewww, I can’t even imagine such a thing. To which my friend replied (jokingly); well, in those parts it’s either goats or friends. – Once more ladies and gentlemen of this blog we’ve come to the ever so popular argument of gay = bestiality. For those of you who are NOT heterosexual (without wanting to categorize yourself as being part of any “group” or “choice”) I would like to ask you one question; How many of you have ever chosen a pet or any other creature from the animal kingdom instead of a warm human heart to love and be loved, or FUCK? How many of you have woken up one morning and went straight to a farm and picked up a couple of goats, horses, bulls, dogs, pigs and had a great weekend? Is this what love has come down to for gay people; either I have a man/woman or I’ll have the goat please?

My last point and it is a very important one. – Why is it that women seem to be are more homophobic than men? Is it because they think they lost another man to the other “team”, one less dick to suck off??? It is not enough that we live in societies like the one described above where you’re always under the careful watch of the self-righteous and subjected to any form of abuse for even thinking different, but now you have to be set “straight” when it comes to who you hold hands with, who you fuck with, who you love.

I should have mentioned it before; this post comes after my yesterday’s encounter with an absolutely sorry excuse for a human being who, because he was my client and I was booking him a ticket, felt the urge to let me know what he thought of me by abusively using feminine synonyms while addressing me. He went so far as to offer his friend to help me ease my loneliness, something to which I had no need to respond to. What such an individual (who should have been swallowed at birth) didn’t understand was that, though I was bursting inside, I took his money and thus I continue to pay my own rent, while he needed me right at that moment since there was no other agency opened at that time and the plane was scheduled to depart in two hours. Dear kind Sir, I may be a fag, but I screwed you over by taking your money and continuing to take care of myself, while you, very soon, will not be a “has been”, but more a “never was”.


  1. Reblogged this on Cassie Being Cassie and commented:
    A very thought provoking piece.


    • Thank you sweetie. It came from the heart and hurt. I am hurt that above all things that are shitty in this society, I must Censure myself in front of even my own friends and family. It seems some will accept your sexuality as long as you don’t talk about it, or talk too much, as if my sexual/romantic life is something for the “closet”.


  2. It’s a hot mess …yep being gay can suck, but being str8 sucks 2..we must deal, make the best of it and as I always say tomorrow’s another day. Let’s be grateful we have some days that suck but in a good way.


    • This is everyday for me. I’m only force to self-censure myself among my straight friends, but even my gay ones are almost the same.


  3. I imagine it must be suffocating to feel as if you have to put restrains on yourself to appease the relations around you. We all do it to some extend, for varying reasons, but it must be especially painful to not be able to express the basic impulses of one’s sexuality. I hope that being able to write and share your feelings online has given you some semblance of a release you seem to crave but lack in daily life.


    • To say suffocating is to put it mildly. It’s more like a inside scream, like something’s crawling under your skin trying to get out. As I said in my post, I live in a society which doesn’t accept diversity in any form, but to be different and gay is like Double Jeopardy. The main issue which needs to be addressed is not intolerance nor homophobia per-se as much as it is ignorance, that is the true killer. The less a society knows, the less it wants to know, the less it want to learn and evolve the more room there is for these sort of things to be “common”.
      Yet, I must admit I much more opened about my sexuality than most of my peers and though I’m proud of who I am as an individual, I pay the highest price everyday of my life. Still, I’d gladly suffer than let other dictate how I should and shouldn’t be. If there was a choice to be made was not to be gay, but to be open and proud of myself, first as a human being and last as a gay man.
      My sexuality doesn’t define my character nor personality, it is a bonus track at the end of a long CD.


  4. […] Discrimination Within Discrimination […]


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