I have been away for quite a long time now. I never thought I would come back to my blog for many reasons. After two years of writing and posting and commenting on other fellow bloggers’ posts, I was exhausted. To make matters worse I went through a period of self-seclusion and deprivation from many mundane things. During this absence I’ve had many great ideas about posts I should have written, of things troubling me and observations made while being in a “lock-up”. Yet, every time I set down to write, my thoughts had vanished, or they did not hold any sort of importance any longer. I felt lazy and lost, in my world, routine and loneliness.
The choices we make in our lives may not be the best nor well-thought at the time, but they do indeed serve a purpose, even if that same purpose is damaging. I do believe theirs is a sadomasochistic side to each and every one of us and though some have an outlet for that, others do not. For my part, I have truly outdone myself on performing the masochistic role throughout my life. There’s no judgment behind this last statement at all, I am merely expressing a truth.
I have always fought against all those (usually religious people) who believe that by denying yourself almost everything, you are closer to God and piety. My reasoning, to which sad persons are totally oblivious, is very simple; how and why would God care what you denied yourself in the first place, if He/She is ever loving and forgiving and always wants the best for his/her children? You can pick any holy book you want and believe in any god you want, yet the everlasting constant is that God, be that of the three monotheistic religions, or gods of any other one, never limit themselves when it comes excess. So why should we? As John Donne puts it; Why should reason and intent born in me, make my sins more heinous? We are creature of intent and need. We crave, we desire, we lust, we hate, we love, we loathe. We are in a nutshell, driven. Why is loss acceptable as part of life, while gain is seen as selfish, prideful and a sin?
Of course the thing I refer to as most of you who have followed my blog in the past well know is sex, or rather sexuality in general for all of us, not just myself. In the past 6 years, I have come across many characters who denied themselves this basic, fundamental and inborn need/drive. It is not a matter choosing to have sex or not, but how you do so. Most humans are ignorant when it comes to sex. Not only are they oblivious to the multitude of physical pleasures one can and should feel, but, and ever worse, they do NOT want to learn/know. It seems that in their minds sex must be done quick and over with as soon as humanly possible, which gives the upper hand to those with premature ejaculation issues (all pun intended). These self-loathing creatures are not to feel sorry about, on the contrary, they need to be eradicated. They are the cancer of a society which is already too self-conscious about itself and overly self-righteous to do anything about it. Of course blame falls on two major parties; religion and society. I am afraid that is not as simple as it seems, because both religion and society are our own inventions. It is us, humans, who invented religion and at the same time it us humans, who create the societies we live in. they are not handed down to us from the heavens, nor are they given away by some other dimensions. We built them up and we use them to segregate ourselves, than turn around and complain about our limitations and shortcomings, which we forget, originate within ourselves.
I have fought and worked too hard to accept my sexuality, lust, need and desire – to understand how every single nerve cell allows me to feel the greatest pleasure imaginable, just so I could waste it on mediocre sex. Here is where I draw the line.
I was recently contacted by a sexual acquaintance of mine who told me how much fun he’d had last time we met to which I couldn’t help but reply; I don’t know who you were with, but I don’t remember having any fun at all. I do remember an extremely Flash Gordon-style ejaculation though.
Leave a comment
No comments yet.