It’s very interesting you chose the topic of suicide for your last post. I must say that you have very carefully covered all the bases on which most people chose to “judge” such an act on any individual which has carried it through. Unfortunately, I myself have been faced with those same “commercial statements” most people use against such and act a survivor of at least 3 attempts to end my life. Now, you and other readers may say that I am biased in my remarks listed below, but it’s not the case. I’m fully aware of the many reasons which drive a person to end their own life as I am of the consequences of those left behind. One point that must be stressed above all though, is that of how complete strangers (unrelated to the suicide-r) act upon hearing of such an act. It’s very true what you mention and I quote; “revulsion, condescension, and condemnation of the very idea”, which in itself is an oxymoronic reaction to say the least and absolute falsity and self-righteousness at the most.
“How dare you? Don’t you know that life is sacred?”
– As you very eloquently mentioned, the supposed sanctity of one’s life is a mere point of view from the outside observer of the act. Those who hold dearly to religious beliefs of any denomination are against it because of the indoctrination that life is a gift from some deity up there somewhere, in the clouds deciding who comes into this world and what such an individual is required to accomplish with that s/he has been give i.e. life. To them, the act of ending one’s life is a sin and thus they react accordingly to this set of belief system. The sanctity of life has as much to do with suicide as religion has to do with saving one’s soul. It is one thing to find something “sacred” and another to shove that on anyone’s throat as absolute truth and OBLIGATION towards others and one’s self. It has very little weight on the whole of one’s life and misery for that matter, as it doesn’t hold much water under careful scrutiny. As Lord Henry Wotton says in The Picture of Dorian Gray; “Only the sacred things are worth touching.” So life or ending of it is my Sancta Sanctorum right to end.
“How dare you? You’re going to die one day anyway, so you might as well appreciate the gift of life you’ve been given no matter how bad you might think it is.”
– It is an absolute truth, we’re all going to die be that today or in 100 years. Considering the strides modern medicine has made to lengthen life on this little rock amidst black matter this means two things;
– a) You can live a long fulfilling, productive and happy life
– b) You can become so engulfed by personal tragedy, loss or finding yourself obsolete among those surrounding you, to the point of insanity setting in and making it home for itself. I can only think of Edgar Allan Poe as an example which you have covered extensively in your previous posts.
The point of living life for the sake of living is contrary to any logical mind trying to understand the world s/he lives in and his/her place in it. Once again we’re bashed with “The Gift” of life, we were so fortunate to have been given by the same deity/ies mentioned above and once more such a statement doesn’t hold against scrutiny of a reasonable mind. One may argue, as I have argued myself many times over, that if life was such a gift, than what had I done to deserve a re-wrapped one? Why reason and intent born in me, after carefully determining current or previous predicaments, comes to one and only conclusion, to end it all? Is it because of lack of determination to change one’s situation, or is it because of outside forces who determinately come rushing in wave after wave and pushing back any effort an individual tries to undertake? At such a point/s in life, how much more of a gift life is? What is its real value and if it indeed has any, why it has been devalued with time, pretty much like any currency used in human history? It seems to me, these individuals value more the sadistic ideal of suffering no matter what, pretty much like Mother Teresa used to believe as she left people die in strides and did not allow doctors to save them, but instead chose to let them run their course in a “dignified” way with a piece of cloth on the floor for them to rest before actually ending their existence due to something which could have easily saved their lives. Of course this is almost an absolute of a one-sided spectrum, but one does not have to live in filth to actually want to end their life. At times, it takes much less than that, but yet still, it is quite a miserable existence to which the end has to come for the sake of being human up until the end. This reminds me of my own grandmother who’s 85. She’s been suffering all her life, and for over 25 years has been living with debilitating diabetes and high blood pressure. She always talks about how she wants to die, yet she refuses to end her life by not taking her insulin, because and I quote; “it’s a sin and only He (looks up) has the right and decides when it’s time for me to go.” And while she insist on this last part, she’s bed-ridden and being fed like a baby, changed pampers like a baby and leaving others to ask for days off work while she insist on living for the sake or sanctity of life given to her as a gift. I fully believe it is much crueler to exist that way than actually go. It is sadomasochistic and selfish as it is for those attending to her every need. My mother would rather see her live a few more years like that than actually let her go and this is the most selfish reason of all. We do not and refuse to let others go for our own selfish reasons, something said to me many years ago and I quote; “You have the obligation to live for me and your sister. How can you live us like this, alone?”
“How dare you? Suicide is an act of cowardice. You should face your problems instead of running from them.”
– This is something I’ve had to endure and argue against all my life. Many people I’ve encountered have said such a thing to me or others. In their minds the act of suicide is cowardice because as they say; “It’s the easy way out”. Is it? Are you sure about that? Have you even been in front of a street with running traffic and actually walked right in the middle of it? Do you know what it feels like to feel the air pressure change as the cars sway around you trying not to hit you? Have you ever sat in front of a table full of a variety of pills (mostly anti-anxiety, antidepressants, anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers) bottle upon bottle you’ve been taking for years that has done nothing for you, while those who could have made a difference are somewhere out there working and living their lives oblivious to say the least of your needs as much as careless to give you the only thing you actually need; support? Does anyone have any idea how much planning goes into a suicide? Any idea at all? I doubt that, and that’s why IT… IS… NOT… EASY, far from it. Now one may argue that instead of spending so much time trying to coordinate an act of suicide, one could very easily use that time to “get out” of the predicament their in. The problem with that way of reasoning is that one may try to do so, but one seldom gets and not for lack of trying I tell you. It is these same people who gave up on you before you even did so for yourself. The ones who frown upon hearing you’re seeing a therapist when you could save at least money talking to them instead. Who needs therapy when you have supporting friends and family, and who needs friends and family when you have e therapist who is much more helpful? That’s the dichotomy.
November 20, 2013
Categories: Open Journal . Tags: choice, death, decay, denial, Edgar Allan Poe, grotesque, loneliness, reality, salvation, suicide . Author: Lucianus Mauricius . Comments: Leave a comment
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